Mind Over Matter: Joker Crashes Party
by PsychoSweetHeart
Summary: My take on what I thought was going throught the Joker's head when he crashed Brucie's party in TDK! There's quite a bit of Rachel bashing so if you're a particular fan of hers don't read this! Crackfic! Enjoy!


**Mind Over Matter: Joker- Party Crasher**

**This is my take on what was going through the Joker's head when he was crashing Bruce's party in The Dark Knight! Hehe! Enjoy! Oh yeah and there's quite a bit of Rachel bashing ahead so if you love Rachel; I suggest you don't read this! .**

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"We made it!" _I don't think anybody heard that. Bloody hell, this Bruce Wayne guy has a pretty sweet pad. And damn there's a lot of people here. Hmm, I hope Brucey don't mind if I just sample a little of his food. Meh, it's not bad. Now what was I here for? Oh yeah…_

"I only have one question; where. Is. Harvey. Dent?" _I'm gonna give 'em a moment to reply… Mm, okay. So I guess no one knows where Gotham's White Knight is. Whoa this guy can pull better disappearing acts than the Batman is fabled to do._

_Reply? Anybody? No? _

…_Ooh! Champagne, might as well wet my whistle while I'm still here. Let go of it bitch! Oh now look what you've done it's all over the floor! Now I'm pissed off!_

"D'you know where Harvey is? D'you know who he is?" _Pfft, probably not. Do any of these people know what a District Attorney is? _

_Oh, God! Is anyone gonna answer me? Ah this guy looks like he might know __**something**__._ "D'you know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something… little." _Obviously not. _"No." _Huh, I'm hungrier than I thought I was and that food was pretty good. I'll just have a little more._

"Y'know, I'll settle for his loved ones…" I threatened.

"We're not intimidated by thugs." _Whoa! Did that guy just say what I thought he did? And… No! Dad? Haha! Just kidding, I don't have a fucking clue where my father is! But he doesn't know that…_

"Y'know, you remind me of my father…" _Let me just set my __**shotgun **__down here. Oh god he looks confused. Ha! Look at that switch-blade reflex. That's what I'm calling it from now on my switch-blade reflex as it's the reflex I have for getting my favourite knife out when I hacked off. _"…I hated my father!" _You like that invasion of personal space, bitch? Yeah, that's what I thought._

"Okay stop!" _Hmm? A challenge…? I accept good s-miss? Wait, a chick is standing up to me? Ha! Wait, don't I recognise her from somewhere? An ex-girlfriend? A current girlfriend- do I even have one of those? Meh… _

"Well, hello beautiful!" _Fuck, why did I say that? She ain't that good looking! Oh now I know who she is! _"You must be Harvey's squeeeeeeze. Hm? And you are beautiful." _Oh why did I say it again? Wonder if she's got a good arse… nah, not really… she smells quite nice though. But wait, was that a flinch? Haha! She __**is**__ scared- knew it! Let's take her over the edge!_

"Ya look nervous, is it the scars? Wanna know how I got 'em? C'mere," _Switchblade on her face,_ "hey look at me." _Just follow the orders lady and no one gets hurt… yet!_ "So I had a wife, beautiful- like you…" _I guess she couldn't've been that good looking then? Eh? _"…Who tells me, I worry too much." _Me worry? Pffthahaha! Oh I crack me up! _"Who tells me I outta smile more…" _If I smile anymore I probably won't have a face. _"Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. Hey!" _For god's sake woman, look at me or I'll cut your face right now! _"One day they carve her face. And we have no money for surgery, she can't take it! I just wanna see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars!"_ Well, if my wife looked anything like the DA's squeeze in front of me, I'd imagine scars would make her look a little better! _"So, I stick a razor in my mouth and do this…" _I honestly have no idea how that would give me these beautiful scars but…_ "… to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves!" _What a bitch! _"Now I see the funny side… Now I'm always smiling!" _Ow, cow just kicked me! But I ain't gonna let it get to me! Just gonna laugh it off, but this bitch is gonna pay for what she did! _

"You got a little fight in you! I like that…"

"Then you're gonna love me!" _Whoa, who was tha- Oh my god! It's the Batman! Oof! What's this thing about people kicking me? I'll just let my um… goons handle him. He can't be that tough… can he? Ooh I wanna get in on that fight! Wow! That sounded really gay! But I love a fight! No, this guy's going in before me! Yeah, this way we can take him on together! Oh! Almost forgot about my shoe-blade. _

_There now he can bleed. Good! That's what I like to hear, your cries of pain! That sounded… even gayer than the last thing I said. Oh shit! He broke Charlie's arm! Auwh! Now I'm on the floor… again. Yes Harry! Now let me get this gun and this bitch and…_

"Drop the gun!" _Jesus, that must bloody hurt his throat. _

"Oh, sure! You just take off your little mask and show us all who you really are." _Ha! I'd like to bat-brains do __**that**__! I think I need some air! Bang-bang! Hehe! And let's just hand this bitch out here…_

"Let her go!" _Could you get any more thick to say that? Meh, probably._

"Very poor choice of words." _Ahahaha! What a dick? Out the window you go… bitch! He'll go after her and I'll be free to go! Life goes on! Wonder what I'll do next…_

_Maybe go rob a hot-dog stand? I am fucking starving! Nah, maybe I'll call for pizza… or Chinese. I definitely need some beer though… and a fag. _

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**I think he may have had the munchies as he seems pretty damn hungry! And if you couldn't tell, I really don't like Rachel.**


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